Log in

No account? Create an account
Are we really happy with who we are right now? [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | Charmed, I'm sure. ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[16 May 2010|04:04pm]
it's been two years.
And I'm still stuck in the same rut in my life.
Running through the same patterns.
Seriously, nothing has changed.
It's kind of pathetic.
As am I.
Lie to me

[06 Apr 2008|12:00am]
I'm sitting at home. alone.
My girlfriend of two years pretty much said our relationship is over and is now out somewhere.
I have been sitting here...for much too long. and I feel dead inside.
I've probably caused this. In a John Cusack, high fedility sort of way.
But when I find that I feel like I'm actually doing well in this, that I'm actually failing the worst. I know I'm not always the best boyfriend.
I know I'm not always the best human being. But I was actually TRYING. which is a big step for me.

Really the question now is what. But how can I even move on if I can't even feel a thing. It's like life is passing me by without ever really leaving a mark. I love this girl. Not in the highschool sort of way. But the, I feel so sick I could puke since our conversation on the phone and I'm terrified to know my life without her. sort of way.

But even that doesn't make things, even interesting.
I'm still just sitting here, babbling like it matters to no one. I have no one to talk to.
no one.
My mother even tried to lecture me when I asked about going home tonight. what the fuck is that?
I don't even know why I'm on here. I haven't been on here in close to a year.
Maybe it's guilt for something that I can't quite get passed.
Perhaps a substitute for a lack of anyone to even talk about baseball with.
I don't know.

Every sound I hear I think it's her coming home...
Lie to me

[04 Jul 2007|12:22am]
it's been a terribly long time since I've posted anything.
Really. I've been dead to anyone I've known on here at all.
I've lost laurie.
Terri is a rare conversation.
And I don't even know who else came on here. Weird.

I'm moving. I have a band again (www.myspace.com/assemblemeband) and life is ok.
Lie to me

[11 Feb 2007|04:40pm]

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

belleville will never look the same.
Lie to me

[22 Jan 2007|05:23am]

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

sleep soundly young one.
These dreams are much more rewarding then life ever will be.
1 lie| Lie to me

[12 Jan 2007|05:36pm]

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

sometimes life sneaks up on you.
I'm still gone.
1 lie| Lie to me

[14 Dec 2006|11:14am]
i'm done with this thing.
If you want to keep in touch with me, use msn, or email, or the phone, or come visit.
good luck.
Lie to me

[26 Nov 2006|08:47pm]
life is stressful.
Trying to get things sorted out with moving again. I think i've lost more sleep then you can without starting to become delusional. (spelling?)

I just can't get past the point of telling them. I'm scared. Terrified.
I feel ill.
And jen is.
I hope it's not the flu.
1 lie| Lie to me

[23 Nov 2006|02:20am]
1 lie| Lie to me

[08 Nov 2006|01:53pm]

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

that's all.
2 lies| Lie to me

[06 Nov 2006|02:25am]
New "brand new" sucks. well, three songs I heard anyway. I hope they are the bad apples.
Anyway. I'm not really sure what I'm doing here.
I don't have anything to update.
Chi ca ca.
Lie to me

[23 Oct 2006|12:24am]
could you go days without speaking? Or only speak when you're out of your house?
I'm going to be moving again. Likely into an apartment. Where? I'm not sure.
How? Even harder question.
I'm broke.
But this house has stolen a lot from me, and from jen. We no longer want to be in this house. we're no longer comfortable to come home at night.
I'm intrigued by the idea of living alone. I think I could handle it for the most part. But I cannot afford it.
So, I'll likely be sharing.
I'm not really sure how all this is going to work out.
I just typed that entire sentence without looking down once!
Anyway, any donations are accepted.

Buy my guitar head please?
1 lie| Lie to me

[20 Oct 2006|12:34am]

that's all.
Lie to me

[09 Oct 2006|04:02am]
weekend come and basically gone.
lots of turkey, money and smiles. well, sort of.
I am very tired.
new i hate sally is awesome.
Lie to me

[01 Oct 2006|10:38am]
it's my fucking birthday on friday. I'll be 21. Buy me something.
moneen was unbelieveable.
Fuck yeah.

this swearing was brought to you by milk.
Got milk?
3 lies| Lie to me

[23 Sep 2006|01:27am]
So I sit here at 1:27 am, beginning.

Admist the cold.
Forget the past.
Something I never forget.

Anyway, not much is new. I'm realizing more and more that I'm missing something. But I'm not really sure what. Maybe it's cake.
I've been listening to a lot of matthew good lately. And mineral. and texas is the reason.
Although, for the last few days it was hampered by my lack of a discman. It was in a van that was not in reach of me.
I'm going home for thanksgiving. My birthday is the friday, and I think I'm just going to avoid the whole "getting together with friends" thing because I don't have many.
My roommates don't celebrate thanksgiving. or christmas.
Moneen is on tuesday. It'll be my first day off from work in 2 weeks.
wednesday is a birthday. then back to the shit ass grind.
I need a new job.

Everyone lately keeps asking for updates on eachothers life. But what if you have nothing to update? What if you've become the background?

My life is in a rut.

Do you ever get the feeling that something bad is creeping up on you?
I've been daydreaming lately of my demise.

I don't have anything else to say right now.
How mellow dramatic.
4 lies| Lie to me

[14 Sep 2006|02:43am]
maybe it's from a lack of sleep.
Maybe it's because I'm impatient, and broke.
Maybe it's because I'm nuts.
Maybe it all just curls onto itself.
Matthew good and his wife got divorced.
That had nothing to do with this.
3 lies| Lie to me

[10 Sep 2006|11:39am]
belleville. does not change.
you seem to be that you're not on my side. fix that.
Lie to me

[31 Aug 2006|11:53pm]
so. all moved in blah blah blah.
Emma is also moved in, been sick, and now is going to belleville to meet her "dream guy" who is friends with my friend Ian. Small fuckin world.
My job is the same, band stuff is non-existant. I fear it will be forever.
I've seen a lot of people changing paths in thelast couple of weeks. It troubles and makes me smile at the same time.
I know that, for a lot of people, this big change is the last step before adulthood, in a sense.
Like joel, for example. This is likely his last two years of school, doing what he wants. After this, the rest of his life.
I'm almost heartbroken watching the shift. So many questions. What if's. regrets. memories. smiles. It's really scary to think about.
What if it was me and you, not you and him, or her.
What if.
I know a lot of these people I will rarely speak to again, or at the very least will be more of an internet hello, and a possible "hey, long time no see." in public.
I will miss them.
I wish I could be specific, but really, it's not my style. Any one who really knows me, or reads any of these updates will know that.
I thought that, with the trend of change, there may be some new lights. some new chances.
As of right now, I think this is going to be my last year in ottawa. who knows what could happen before then.
I have been chewed up and spit out by this town in a sense, yet would miss it more then a lot of things.
My intentions for originally moving up here have yet to even come close to me, regardless of whether it was me or otherwise.
Maybe I have bad luck, maybe I am holding myself back, maybe if you had loved me, and you didn't. what the fuck?
I don't even really know what I'm writing anymore.
I haven't read a book in ages.
I haven't written words in even longer.
I'm in a slump.
I'm a whore.
I'll miss you.
1 lie| Lie to me

[06 Aug 2006|03:23pm]
Moving in a week. actually 6 days.
More music is being recorded before the week is done. then a very large move.
I have a lot to write. and not a lot to say.
1 lie| Lie to me

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]